#like dont get me wrong it's still so so so good

[oceandelreysworld]

Loving injuries

Vi x injured reader - pt 1.

(Fluff, tension, blood-kinda-, making out)

This is my first story, so uhh, lmk what I need to improve on or if it's good or not!

Made this a little different from the show like:

After Vi "died." Everyone went their separate ways, some better than others.

Ekko met Vi after she got out of jail, letting her stay with at the firelights hide out.

Ekko was like an older brother when you guys were little, but you haven't seen him in forever(he still has that brotherly act of protection and is still defensive over you)

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You and Vi were child hood friends and you had the biggest crush on her but then she "died". She was romeing the streets then she finds you against a building, sleeping....but she doesn't notice your hurt..

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"Y/n?" Vi shakes your shoulder to wake you. She moves you hood out of your face. "Oh my god, y/n!" You wake up and realize someone's talking to you and touching you.

"Get away, I'll hurt you." You say as you whisper, slowly grabing her wrist, using up all your energy. "Y/n it's me, Vi." You look up at her, letting go of her wrist, but you can't see her. Your visions all blurry.

"No, stop, get away from me!" You tilt your head up to try and look at her better. "Y/n..I'm right here."

She squats to your level. She's strokes her thumb on your cheek. You wince at first, but then you look up to see the comfort of her light powder blue eyes and the pink shade of her hair.

You relax, your head into her palm, and start tearing up. Trying to use your arms to sit up but end up slowly leaning back down to the ground.

"I thought you died. What happened to you?...We needed you. I- I needed you." You muttered the last part in hope that she didn't hear you.

"I know... I'm so sorry. I got arrested... I'm sorry I left the way I did."

She gets down on her knees to hug you tightly when you whimper in pain. "Ow shit shit shit!" You shift your hand to hold tighter on the side of your stomach.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

You steadily move your hand and show her. There's a large blotch of blood seeping through your shirt.

"Y/n what the hell happened?! Who did this to you..?" She shifts her hand twords the injured area. "It's fine.. I'm fine. I've been like this for a few days."

She lifts your shirt up to see the wooned. You rapped that part of your stomach in bandages, but there's still a hole lot of blood on them. Vi slowly unrapped it while looking up at your eyes ever once a while.

She takes it all off, and she sees the huge wooned. It looked infected. Yellow coloring around the area and was still parshly still open and somewhat still bleeding. She could see where you tried stitching it up.

"Y/n, this looks really bad. How long have actually been like this?"

"I-...I've been here for a week. You sigh, knowing if you lied to her, that would make her even more worked up than she already is.

"I got stabbed almost two weeks ago.." You pause to take a breath. "I dont know who did it. All I know is I was trying to... okay, well, I was trying to steal some food... L-listen, I know it's bad, but I don't have any money, and I can't get up without the risk of it opening back up again.." she looks at you with her wide, worried eyes.

"Look, I know a place where you can rest, and I'm not giving you a choice. You're coming with me. Okay? And we'll figure out how to get you up." You admit defeat and relax your muscles against the wall again.

"..okay."

She raps you back up but puts the bandage on tighter so it doesn't rip.

"Okay, ready?" She holds your face, putting her forehead against yours. Getting back into a squatting position.

"No, but that's fine." She chuckles "Okay I'll pick you up slow. Don't worry about putting your weight on me. I can handle it, I've got you."

"Okay... thank you." You mumbled.

You rap your arms around her neck. She picks you up as slowly as possible. As she stands you up, you whine in pain, tucking your head into her neck. She tapes your thigh, letting you know she wants your legs up around her. She's holding you up by your thighs. You close your eyes, resting your head on her shoulder, loosening the rest of your body against hers.

"You okay, princess?"

You froze up. You haven't heard anybody call you that in a really...really long time. She would call you that when you guys were kids, it would annoy you back then, but now? It sounds so comforting coming from her, but in truth, you start to get flustered.

Your whole body heats up, and you hide your face back into her her neck so she doesn't see you blushing.

"I- um. Yeah. Yes. I mean, I'm okay."

She noticed your body tence up and the warmth of hers against yours.

"Okay..." She lifts her eyebrow side eyeing you with a smeark on her face. She didn't think you would react like this. She laughs lightly under her breath.

________________________

You fell asleep while she walked the both of you through the sewers. She meets what seems like a dead end. She knocks a certain rhythm, allowing the door to slowly open.

As you slowly wake up, you're greeted by lots of lights. "Ahh." You shelled your eyes with your arm, trying to get used to the bright lights. "Well, good morning, sunshine." she laughs lightly.

"Hey...Vi?" Ekko says as he jogs up to Vi noticing you in her arms, not knowing it's you. Your breath chokes up hearing such a familiar yet unfamiliar voice.

"So uhh...you gunna introduce me?"

You turn your head slowly. Your eyes meet his, starting to tear up. Getting out of Vi's arms as quickly as you can, still having a hard time walking. You tried to walk to him, you lean for him almost falling if him and Vi didn't catch you. Your arms go around him as he goes around your neck.

You start sobbing immediately when he hugs back.

"I...I haven't seen- seen you in f-forever." It's hard for you to get a full sentence out, trying to catch your breath from crying as well from the pain on your side.

"H-how are you-...are you..are you real..?"

Hugging you tighter and placing his head on top of yours. Ekkos voice trying not to crack, but how could he not? You were like his little sister.

As you stay like that for a moment, he pulls away. Vi pulling you back so you can rest your weight on her chest. You stumbled a bit, but she held you with support.

His eyes widen, looking down at your stomach. "God! Your bleeding!" You lightly laugh it off, but you couldn't hold back your coughing. Sweat dripping from the side of your forehead. You grip your side tightly.

"Ekko, she needs to lay down. Now."

"I got it. Hey, we need backboard now!" Ekko yells waving his hand in a hurry.

"Guys, really, I'm fi..." Your sentence fades as you faint, leaning back on Vi, now all your weight is forced onto Vi front body.

"Shit shit now!" Vi yells, grabing under both your arms. Ekko quickly goes to you, grabing the back of your neck so you don't hurt it.

Vi, Ekko, and some of the firelights lift you onto the backboard. They lift you up, walking to the room where Vi has been staying.

Setting you down to put you on the bed slowly. Ekko asked the rest of them to leave. Vi was sitting beside the bed, keeping a close eye on your movements, while Ekko was leaning against the wall.

"Why didn't you tell me you knew where she was.." Ekko says with his head down, zoning out on the floor. "Ekko, I just found her not even two hours ago.. If I knew she was hurt.. hell, if I knew she was still alive, you think I wouldn't tell you?" Vi starts to raise her voice in defense twords him. Ekko was about to speak when they both noticed you turning your head.

"Hmm...? Oww shit." You bring your hands up to cover your face in pain, then to your side.

"Hey princess... how you feeling?" She brushes her hand along the side of your cheek. Your eyes look up at hers with such a soft glimpse.

"I'm- ow- I feel sick.." You cough a little more aggressively than early. To aggressive for Vi's comfort. She rests her hand on your head, feeling for your temp. "Cupcake, you're really hot. Drink some water." She says as she helps your head up, putting her hand on the back of your neck, and brings the cup to your mouth.

"I'm gunna go see if we have any more blankets and possibly some pillows, okay? I shouldn't be out too long." He looks past Vi, making it seem like he was only talking to you. You could feel the thickness of the tension in the room between the two.

"Okay, thank you." He walks up to you, smiling, giving you a peck on your head before walking out of the room, closing the door.

The blinds are shut, as well as the windows. It helps, but it scares you a bit to be in such an unfamiliar area. Vi can tell from your expressions that you feel uncomfortable.

"Baby, what is it? Is something the matter?" As you turn your head twords her, looking up at her, surprised at the pet name she called you. Vi gently cups your face, strokes of her thumb slowly makes your garde go down.

"Im...fine. I just don't feel good, and I'm a little... uncomfortable being here.."

"Yeah? Why is that?"

You stay silent for a moment, not knowing how to express your emotions.

"Is there anything I can do to help cupcake?" She looks at you with care in her eyes.

There she goes again. Those names... god, they sound so sweet coming from her. You can't believe you ever thought this was annoying.

You hold eye contact for a few minutes, maybe? It feels like it could be forever from how locked your eyes were set on each other.

"I.." You turn your head away, looking over, breaking eye contact. It was getting to be too much for you.

She gently turns you by your chin to look back at her. She looked at you with such soft eyes while her eyebrows frowned lightly.

"I'm okay Vi. I'll be alright, okay?"

"Okay.."

She leans twords you, resting her head against yours. As she picks her head up, she looks down at your bandages, ghosting her hand against it.

"Do you want me to restich this?"

"If you can, please...I don't want you to go out of your way, though."

"It'll never be out of my way if it's for you. Understand? When you need me, I'm there. When you call me, I'm there. Okay?" She spoke so softly yet firmly to get the point through you.

Her lips brush a slow kiss on your head.

Once she takes off the bandages fully, she takes out the old stitchs slowly, trying not to hurt you. Somewhat successful. She pulls out the alcohol. Your whole body tenses up, moving yourself over to the other side of the bed, scared of how bad it's gunna hurt.

Vi sets the bottle down and reaches for your hand, slowly trying not to scare you away. You let her hold your hand as her thumb strokes the back of your hand.

"Princess, it's badly infected, I need to clean it before it gets worse, I'll hold your hand all the way through. Please just...let me help."

You stay in the same spot in silence, hesitating to rest back on the bed, even though it hurts like hell.

"I have a feeling you're feeling this sick because it's infected." She brings your hand up to her lips, brushing kisses on the back of your hand, in hopes to comfort you. Each kiss makes you relax your body against the bed.

"Okay... just don't put it directly on it. Please."

"I wouldn't, I'll use uh... this."

She said as she looked around for cotton swabs. Finding some holding it up so you know what it is.

"Okay, just be gentle..?" You look at her with puppy eyes, not realizing what you were doing.

"Of course, princess, always." All Vi could think about is pulling your face close to hers to kiss you...

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Part two soon! Ik this is really long for my first one but I really like this plot ig😅

[seokmn]

LONELY DANCERS

pairing: vernon x gn!reader

wc: 1.1k words

warning: mentions of drinking and kissing

lua’s notes: 100% inspired by this conan’s banger. there you go my vernon lover @k1eev enjoy dancing with him 💋💋

“no- seungkwan, you dont understand. i simply cannot find soojin!” vernon said on the phone. the music was blasting, and he was not only looking but walking around the unknown house, taking a good look at every person that was surrounding him. “its like she disa-“ he cut himself off, “found her. seungkwan, ill talk to you later.”

vernon ended the call with his friend and just stood there watching his date from afar while she was kissing another guy. he clenched his jaw and kept looking like he couldnt take his eyes off of her and the guy she was basically swallowing in front of everyone at that party.

suddenly everything started to slow down and the music started to die. and still, he was there staring at the girl, the girl who was supposed to be his for the night – and, at least he thought, for a really long time. his surroundings only seemed to get back to normal when he felt a tap on his shoulder, he looked to his side and saw someone smiling at him.

“is one of them your crush? youre staring at them for a while now” you said as you got close to his ear so the music wouldnt be a problem for him to listen to you. vernon looked at you, not knowing if he should tell you the truth or not. “i suppose it is” you said when you noticed he wasnt going to tell you and chuckled. in response, he only gave you a quick smile, feeling a bit embarrassed.

“its okay! if that makes you feel better, my boyfriend broke up with me tonight. youre not the only one who got dumped here”

“sorry to hear that” he said, not exactly knowing what to say since that fact didnt make him feel better at all, but he still wanted to be polite. "im yn, by the way.”

“im vernon” he smiled, his shy smile made you smile as well. “wanna join me for the night? or do you wanna keep staring at them like a creepy?”

“do i look like a creepy?” you looked at his worried expression and nodded, “you have no idea how much. cmon, lets get you a drink.”

you took his hand and walked towards the crowded kitchen. “you down for some vodka and cola?”, he looked around before looking back at you, “sure, why not?”. you smiled and served him the drink before making one for yourself as well.

“so… is it the girl or the guy?”. he took a sip of his drink, looking at it and nodding with his lips curled downward, a signal that he liked the drink, before responding “the girl”

“was she your girlfriend?”

“no, we were more like a fling, but i thought things were getting serious. looks like i was wrong” you groaned and looked at him, “thats the worse. im sorry to hear that.”

vernon just shrugged his shoulders and kept drinking while you were still looking at him, wanting to keep the conversation going, but not knowing how to. “my boyfriend… well, ex boyfriend,” you chuckled bitterly before continuing, “and i were dating for four months. i guess its not too much, but i certainly didnt see the breakup coming, specially right before coming here”. you sighed, “guess our love life will have a different path from now on”

vernon nodded and was about to speak before you cut him off, “you know what? forget those assholes, they dont know love and honestly? i hope they die. so you should get back up, cuz by the end of the week we’ll be alright! youre a very good looking guy, im sure youre hella interesting and im good looking and interesting as hell! we dont need them! fuck them!” you said as you started to tear up from anger. you took a deep breath and smiled at vernon. “i gotta dance or else ill cry. wanna join me?” you looked at him with hope in your eyes.

“yea, lets dance”, he didnt even finish his sentence and you were already dragging him back to the living room and starting to dance to the song that was playing. at first, vernon was a little bit shy of dancing in front of everyone, but his shyness was slowly dying as he saw how carefree you were while dancing like there was no tomorrow, like no one was around you two. soon enough, the two of you were having the time of your lives, dancing like it could save you from a heartbreak or even save your lives and it really felt like it could save you from any worries or danger.

your movements started to slow down as both of you started to get a little tired from dancing. you were smiling as you looked at vernon, his smile making you smile even wider. it felt like there was only you and him in that moment, your heart was beating fast and you couldnt tell if it was because of all the dancing or if it was because of him standing right in front of you.

the euphoria you were feeling was too intense. you kept looking at vernon, it was clear that he was getting tired, but he continued dancing anyway, enjoying his time and forgetting about his ex date’s existence. once he finally made eye contact with you, you didnt think twice – actually, you didnt even think – and leaned forward, your lips meeting his.

you felt your heart beating even faster once you felt his soft lips in contact with yours. you broke the kiss right after you got back to earth and thought about what you were doing. “oh my god im so sorry i didnt mean to! i mean… yeah, maybe i did but its just because i thought the moment was ri-“ vernon cut you off by kissing you, placing his hand on your cheek when you started to kiss him back. you couldnt tell if your body relaxed or got even more excited when he kissed you, all you could tell was that you were enjoying it and that his kiss was out of this world.

when he broke the kiss he looked at you, who was looking at him like he committed a crime by pulling his lips away from yours. he looked around before looking back at you, “i know a better place than this crowded house, wanna go with me?”

you smiled and nodded, “sure, this party is kinda lame anyway”. he chuckled and nodded, fixing his cap before placing his hand on your lower back and leaving the party with you.

[mythalism]

the timing of someone apparently shitting on me for being a veilguard hater on some remote corner of tumblr is so funny because i was actually just in the shower like an hour before listening to the atonement ending suite and thinking about the things that i love about veilguard after almost 2 months of marinating on it, so apologies for destroying my reputation as a certified HATER!!!!!!! but i actually wanted to share these earlier so im still going to. i think its interesting especially because ive seen a lot of people that hate these same things about the game, but my opinion has stayed the same. its also interesting because OVERALL the more i think about veilguard the more i dislike it, but for these certain aspects, the more i think about them the more i love them.

THAT FUCKING SONG!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!! even two months later i get choked up listening to it. and guys....... i dont listen to lost elf anymore. like i just dont even think of it. thats not to say trevor morris isnt the greatest of all time, and the atonement ending song relies heavily on lost elf. i know. but my favorite parts of the atonement song are not even lost elf!!! overall i missed trevor deeply, i did not like the veilguard soundtrack. i even turned the music volume to 0 at some points because it felt like nails on a chalkboard to me (ghilannain fight music made me want to d*e). HOWEVER. this is supposed to be positive. and if you ask me to choose lost elf vs atonement theme... im choosing atonement theme. every time. the way it adds to lost elf is wonderful. it gives me chills. it is so haunting. i will never tire of it. I LOVE THIS FUCKING SOOOOOONG. i also love the dread wolf song. so honorable mention to that one.

i love the solavellan ending. i know people hate it but nothing i have seen has convinced me to abandon my love for it. it is the best ending we could have possibly gotten in a game where the veil stayed up. and yes obviously i think the veil should have come down. but my IDEAL ending would have been veil down, rook takes over the mantle of dread wolf, solas and lavellan give up their mortal bodies and become spirits together and ascend to the fade. and honestly thats pretty much what happens, just without the veil. i love the mythological fairy tale vibe. i love the bittersweetness. i love that it is both tragic and hopeful. i love that it is vague enough to leave the future open. i love that the devs refuse to confirm where exactly in the fade they are. i love the sigyn loki eros psyche parallels. i love the maker and andraste parallels. could it have been built up to better? absolutely. but thats an issue with the build up, not the ending. i thought solas was going to die and we were going to watch the light go out of his eyes as lavellan held him and sobbed. it is so much more hopeful than i expected. i love that we get to redeem him through the power of love. i love that lavellan forgives him. i love that they survive. I LOVE IT!!!! and i love it the more i think about it. ive tried to hate it because i understand the perspective of people who didnt like it, but i literally cannot make myself dislike it.

i love the solavellan ending scene itself. i love how inky creeps in through the door. dont ask how she got up there its fine. i love how she sneaks up on him. i love that she comes up those stairs and it parallels the prologue scene with varric. i love that she has a zinger ready for him. "even if those you have wronged asked you to stop?" oh its so fucking good. i love his pathetic defeated "vhenan". i love that he rejects her again. i love that he apologizes but stays true to his goals. i love that it takes something beyond lavellan and the modern world to finally crack him. i love the way he looks at mythal like a kicked puppy. i love the way he cannot meet her eyes. i love the way he crumples and sobs and we see a completely different side of him that I NEVER FUCKING EXPECTED TO SEE IN A MILLION YEARS???? i love mythal's coldness and frankness as she releases him. i love that she doesn't apologize. i love how fucked up and messy it is. i love how it speaks to their entire relationship being fucked up and messy. i love that it has given me so much to chew on about what the fuck was going on with them. i love the way lavellan kneels so she can see his face. i love that she speaks in elvhen (even if the translation leaves something to be desired). i love that its all in the hallelujah cadence. i love that he assumes she wont come with him. i love that she has to chase after him one more time. i love his fucking tear mesh. i love his face when he looks at her. i love that their scene is wedding coded. i dont love the kiss but im trying to be positive and its tiny in the grand scheme. i love her hand on his shoulder as they step into the fade. i have a few complaints about the scene but none of them are enough to cheapen my enjoyment of it.

i fucking love fragment mythal. obviously. but seriously. i love the scene where you get her approval its one of my favorites in the entire game. i love that its hard to get her approval. i love that she fucking kills you if you piss her off. i love her lines. "after he killed the swamp witch. AND WEPT." BITCH!!!! and "you are a thousand years from knowing the correct words" or whatever. I LOVE HER. i love how fucking nasty she is. i love how she has clearly been stewing in resentment for thousands of years. i love that she is rude and proud and haughty. i love that she'd be looking down her nose at you if she wasn't like 5 ft tall. i love the way she falls backwards off the ledge with her arms out and closes her eyes to transform into a fucking dragon. i love her condescension. i love the decapitated wolf statues in the background. i love the note from felassan that reveals solas made her an entire island for herself. i love that she reveals that he put her there. i love that he could not bring himself to visit her even once. ohhhhh my god it makes me dizzy. talking to her was a moment where the game felt like dragon age to me.

i love my lavellan in this game. did i want WAY more of her? yeah. and i expected more. but every moment we got i loved. the first scene with her is mostly whatever its appropriately formal for her meeting a stranger. but the way she stutters when talking about solas? when asking rook to give him a chance by using the wolf statue to learn more about him? the way she looks down and to the side as she says it? banger. masterpiece. the act 3 conversation makes me have to lay down. i can barely even talk about it without foaming at the mouth. i love her characterization. i love that she orders rook to tell her something like she has gotten used to the power of her title as inquisitor. i love her subtle desperation to have her hope for him validated cloaked under her inquisitor mask. i love how it begins to crack as the conversation goes on and she gets lost in the memories of him. i love her sincerity. i love the way she speaks bluntly and unapologetically of her love. i love her facial expressions and her furrowed brow. i love how confident and self assured she is. "or maybe im the prideful one, imagining his broken heart so that i do not have to face my folly; that i loved someone who made such terrible mistakes. that i might love him still" IS MY FAVORITE LINE IN THE ENTIRE GAME. perhaps. PERHAPS. in all of dragon age. yes im serious. its that insane to me. it feels like shakespeare wrote it. im only half kidding. i was rolling on the floor of my bedroom when i heard it. it still gives me chills. i love that her lines are in the hallelujah cadence. i love the way she talks about their relationship. i love how she is angry and indignant about his lies to her but that does not infringe upon her love. i love when she says "how could i have fallen in love with a god and not known? why didnt he tell me?' i love how sure she is that she knows the true solas. i love every word out of her mouth. i love all of it. that is my favorite scene in the game. i love when she shows up with dorian in the end. i love "is there any chance, any chance at all that he'd listen to reason?" i love her face when she says it. i love "speaking from the heart, inquisitor?" i love when dorian asks if shes heading out afterwards and she says "something like that" BE SOOOO FRRRR. SHE WAS FUCKING SCHEMING. there was not a moment that she was on screen that i did not love.

overall, i am happy with solas in this game. this one is last because its the weakest because i do criticisms but overall, i think it was fine LOL. my biggest worry was that they were going to completely woobify him and make him above reproach and erase the negative sides of him in favor of making him MORE sympathetic to new players. the fact that we got the opposite is crazy, but i vastly prefer it. id rather have him be too villainous than robbed of his complexity to be more palatable. that would have fully ruined the game for me. so the fact that we got to see him being an absolute prick little shit who betrayed us TWICE was wonderful. i loved being betrayed. i love the scene where he puts rook in the regret prison. i LOVE how he appears behind rooks shoulder in flashes and the player can see him but rook cant. i love how he circles rook like prey. i love how he does that cunty little thing with his hand over the dagger. i love that he taunts rook. i love that he doesnt actually take the dagger from them and instead waits for it to fall into his hand. its so immortal trickster god. i love that fucking scene. i love the "by my hand" line and how he looks you in the face as he manipulates his words so expertly. i love his banters with the companions. i looooooooved listening to him beef with elgar'nan. it felt so HIM. i was like YES!!!! THIS IS THE DREAD WOLF I WANTED TO MEET!!!! i was screaming during that quest. anyway. i wanted more of him. yeah. i dont really care that much that the companions and general story is weirdly unsympathetic to him. because it obviously didnt work!!! LMFAOOO 72% people still decided to redeem him so whatever! hes still pookie. im just so glad they didnt make him boring and lame. all my issues along this vein revolve more around the veil than solas, so i consider it a separate issue. i loved seeing mean nasty cunty trickster god.

ok in retrospect this list isnt that long KJHREGKJERG. however all of these things are very important to me so the fact that i love them is essential. like i truly got what i needed out of this game. i criticize it a lot but i would have done that even if the game was a 9/10 for me. i do it to literally everything i love. except fmab because its above reproach. but literally everything else. i was writing essays criticizing the percy jackson books on tumblr when i was 15. i have been criticizing dragon age online for 5+ years. veilguard aint special in catching my heat. critical analysis is in my soul. anyway i wanted banger solavellan ending that i could chew on for years and i got it. thats all i needed! ok now going to go listen to atonement ending suite again and transcend into the astral plane

[t-folklore13]

Sleep, I’m not going anywhere - Eddie Munson

*

18+ MDNI

Summary: you get sick and your bestfriend Eddie helps you get better

Warnings: vomiting, mild cussing

Not proof read wrote this at 2:00am

Best friends to lovers

I wake up and immediately feel like shit. My body aches, head hurts, nose is absolutely stuffed and runny which makes no sense. I roll over and see 6:30 flash across my alarm clock. I have time to get ready and its hellfire tonight anyways so might as well tough it out through the day.

I slowly get up and move like a zombie to get ready. I put my hair in a bun and start really getting ready, As I’m picking out pants to wear with the “Mandatory attire’ as Eddie calls it i can hear him down the road

How do I know it’s him? No one else is gonna listen to slayer at the ass crack of dawn in the middle of winter. He turns the radio down and I can hear the door bell. The muffled voice of my mom is greeting Eddie and he’s being as charming as always when the door flys open, donut in hand one for me and one for him. “hey I got this for you from the kitchen… are you okay?” I take the food out of of his hand and smile “I’m fine but we should get going dont wanna ruin your perfect attendance”

He fake smiles and flips me off and I know it might be a good day, oh how wrong was I.

When we get to the front of the school I rush inside and Eddie looks confused running after me. I run into the girls bathroom and start throwing up what little food I had in my system. I hear a knock on the stall and turn around “Eddie your not supposed be in here” someone laughs and I open the stall confused “oh hey robin sorry i thought you were eddie’

“It’s okay he actually sent me in here to check on you though he said he “cannot pass the gates of women privacy” or whatever so he found me and sent me in” I smile weakly and she hands me water “thanks” I drink half of it and sigh ‘is he still out there?” She nods and shuffles around in her bag giving me gum “that should make you feel better for now do you want to go to the nurse?”

“No I have a test in O’Donnell and hellfire tonight I can manage” she hugs me and the bell rings “shoot I gotta go but promise you’ll at least get medicine”

“yeah I can do that” the late bell rings and we walk out of bathroom “hey are you okay? You totally scared me” I smile and nod “Yeah I’m fine but we gotta go we have a test remember?” He groans loudly and I laugh. We both walk to class and I try to keep my happy front up

*

Lunch finally rolls around and I just want to try to eat something. I feel someone grab my hand and instantly know it’s Eddie, we walk in silence till we enter the cafeteria “hey you sit down I’ll get you something

“What about you” I look up at him and he shrugs “I’ll just steal from mike and Dustin I’m sure whatever their moms packed is enough”. I smile and walk over to the table finding somewhere to sit, placing my head on it I don’t know how much time passes but I suddenly feel an arm around me then Gareth and Jeff arguing about who can sit where Eddie sits. “here you go my fine lady lunch is served and I stole cranberry juice for you from wheeler”

I take the food and start eating when I get super tired and just lean on eddies chest after a debate on what Eddie had planned for the campaign I hear “hey dude she’s asleep” I want to open my eyes and show them I’m in fact not asleep but cannot find the energy to do so when i feel Eddie shaking my shoulder then feel my head “Oh shit she’s burning up” I feel a cold sensation on the back of my neck and smile snuggling into Eddie further. “Hey sweetheart wake up we’re going to the office”

“What for?” he lifts me up and we start walking “I’m taking you home” I want to argue but I can’t I’m too tired and my bed doesn’t sound like a bad idea right now “hey we are gonna leave she isn’t feeling well” The office lady looks at me holding onto Eddie then him “she looks sick and will be excused but you will not’ I hear him scoff and scribble on some paper “I’m over eighteen I can do whatever I damn please and if I wanna take care of my girl I will, so we’re leaving” I must really be sick because I just hallucinated Eddie calling me his girl

Eddie opens the door and the air feels great against my hot skin. I try to talk but mumble instead and Eddie just picks me up “We’re almost there sweetheart okay hold tight the office called your mom and said I’m with you its okay” I hear the door open and he places me into the van I fully fall asleep and the last thing I feel is Eddie rubbing my leg.

I start to wake up and look around but it’s really dark in my room, just then Eddie walks in with soup, medicine, and more blankets “hey I didn’t know if you had a migraine so I kept it dark but you need to eat so I made you soup” I look at him while he sets everything down and smile “thank you Ed’s how long have I been out?”

“Only an hour but your mom called and said she’s stuck in Illinois because of weather so I’m staying here and taking care of you” I partly take in the information and reach for the soup but stop and lay back down “you need help sweetheart?” I I mumble and he starts to hand feed me the soup

My throat suddenly burns and I start having a coughing fit, Eddie rubs my back and holds my hair “hey you wanna lay back down?” I take a deep breath and cough again “yes” as I lay down I hear him getting up and shuffling away, so I grab his arm and grumble “no eds stay please” he sighs and crawls over me, getting under the blankets and wrapping his arms around me

“Sleep, I’m not going anywhere”

I smile and he rubs my stomach slowly pulling me back to slumber

~

When I wake back up again for the second time Eddie isn’t here and I feel like I got ten times worse “Eddie?” It comes out weak and horse, I feel like crying did he leave? Did he get bored? I feel a knot in my throat when the door opens “oh hey your awake are you okay sweetheart your eyes are watering” I smile and grab onto his arm “I’m okay now”

As soon as I say that I feel bile build up and rush past Eddie to the bathroom, he runs behind me and hold my hair back after throwing up the only food I ate today and dry heaving for five minutes it finally stops “Ed’s it hurts”

“I know it does baby do you want to take a bath relax your muscles a bit?” I nod and he starts running the water and I hand him the bubbles, when the bath is filled he grabs my bath towel and a new shirt “hey sweetheart are you okay from here?” I nod and when he’s about to walk away I grab him “um before I get in the bath could you stay by the door and when I say it’s okay could you come back in I don’t wanna be alone”

His neck flushes pink and he nods “um yeah when your decent just yell my name” I undress and look at the bun Eddie put in my hair smiling, I ease myself into the bath and sigh at how good it feels making sure there’s enough bubbles to cover me “Eddie? You can come it now” the door opens and he has his hand over his eyes “are you sure?” I laugh and shake my head

“Yes you goon now tell me about the upcoming campaign” while hearing his soothing voice as well as his imaginative story telling I start to feel sleepy everything is so nice right now “hey your falling asleep on me do you wanna lay down?” I nod and feel super weak “could you just turn around while I get situated”

“Of course” I dry off and put my clothes on then tap his shoulder “I feel weak could you help me to the bed” he picks me up effortlessly and starts waking to my room “are you getting worse? Do you need more medicine or a doctor” I shake my head and he sets me down “I just need you” he smiles and lays down next to me

“I think that’s the medicine talking” in my hazy state my mouth works faster then my common sense “no it’s me talking duh because I’m so in love with you and I feel safe around you” a faint kiss on my forehead is the last thing I hear as I again fall asleep

“I love you too baby”

[wickjump]

ran out of tags so this was cut short but.stage 1 ily… i want to learn more about you i think you’re so neat… i want to give him a nice sandwich. anyway uhhmm i don’t know much about stage 1 so this might be off but whatever freedom of speech 🇺🇸🦅

the idea of stage 1 trying to warn and protect the others in the gang from himself makes me a little sad. im picturing him wringing his little hands together all nervous and afraid after he offered them something—food, a safe place to sleep, something, trying to make up for anything he remembers or thinks he remembers doing in Stage 2 (even if the things he remembers were a dream, he can’t really tell if it was real or not) —and them not knowing what is going on with him or if they can trust him at all. last time they saw him he looked different and he definitely didn’t care about anyone but himself.

and like, depending on how they react to him—he could come to desperately cling on to this one fragile connection outside of his programming and maybe there’s hope for him even if he doesn’t think it’ll last, but if they reject him or react with indifference or hostility it could send him deeper into dissociation—or even trigger Stage 2 as a defense mechanism

[icarusredwings]

I know we joke a bunch about mental health in the marvel and poolverine community esspecially with Wade but Im gonna share something super personal. Maybe someone will relate and feel less alone.

Tw: mental health episode.

Im native.

As a child I had very long thick lush hair.

Then it was shaved... by someone who didnt want to "deal with it"

It was also burnt off, fried off, chemically relaxed to the point of falling off, cut extremely short, and ripped out often.

I, now, as an adult struggle very very much with my hair. It never can grow very long and it makes me very upset. Like.. melt down upset.

I tried extentions this week hoping it would make me feel better but I couldn't even make it a full 24 hours with them in. They were nice dont get me wrong but they were very uncomfortable, they were too tight, they hurt my scalp when I tried to do any of my normal styles. It might just be me, because my head is very sensitive due to past injury but also mentally it was telling me it hurt even when it shouldn't.

Not physical voices telling me it hurt, rather then my pain receptors weren't working properly. I know this because my brain was claiming I was hurt even before they were fully glued in. I figured it was just the truama of other stylists burning my hair off at my scalp that was making my head scared and go into a panic mode. Maybe that was true. I don't know.

Well, tonight I wanted. No. I NEEDED them out. They hurt too badly and were pulling etc. Something about my mental health wasn't letting me enjoy what ive always wanted.

It was the longest ive had it as an adult recently, past my shoulders, but then I impuslively trimmed it because.. well I dont even know. I dont fucking know. But I just lopped a good 3 inches off to where it sat on my shoulders instead.

Well I just cut them out.

Riped them out.

All of the above.

I was told to wait and I couldn't. I just couldnt wait for the help. So I cut them out. I feel like, in retrospect this was obviously NOT the best thing to do. For OBVIOUS reasons. So now my hair is INCHES long instead of almost the entire foot of Length that I had. Its patchy, its short, Im literally crying right now trying to figure out how im going to fix this.

It dosn't feel right. It dosn't feel or look like how im supposed to look. I look like that kid who just walked out of the salon who is sobbing with a shitty lolipop in his hand and a bowlcut because thats the only thing my caregivers could handle.

As a man I wish we could stop this narriative of not caring what we look like and "oh its okay, boy hair is short"

I just want long pretty hair... without my brain panicing and causing more issues... is that too much to ask for?

My heart is broken. I really hate when im like this. When my brain is so mean to me that it sabotages my goals despite the YEARS of work ive put in oiling it, styling it, the routines, etc etc.

Im devastated.

I am literally crying on my bathroom floor because even without the extentions in my head STILL hurts. Like im getting PHYSICAL pain from how bad I feel about this. I just.. I can't. I can't.

I don't know what to do..

[starburstminibot]

Hey, anon who asked bout the "how things were before Breakcheck was born"

First of all: I read the tags, don't ever apologise for info dumping, I love the dump and will eat it all. I am thoroughly enjoying this au and would love to read/see more of it

Secondly: It's quite alright for not doing art, as much as I do enjoy your art very much and love to see how you draw these characters, I also very much enjoy reading about it

Thridly: You are so right, the writers dont know shit and you get it alot mlre, and i LOVE how you are writing the issues between the 'Cons and 'Bots. Like there is sooo much they just, didn't explain. Megs being the one to become good and the other cons are left to be the bad guys??? PUH-LEASE

And even if they were to no longer be the bad guys, there is SO MUCH to their relationship that is skimmed over, like, c'mon

Anyhow, eating up your au OP. Breakcheck is best boy and I love seeing this goober and his story on my feed, writen or drawn out

Do not give me permission to yap bc i will not stop and you will regret it I promise /lh

IM SO FERAL??!>{£|! OUGHH IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE IT SO MUCJ BC IM GOING INSANE THINKING ABOUT IT

Also… I’m going to give possibly a hot take and it’s that Earthspark genuinely pisses me off sometimes. Because how dare they introduce such an interesting concept of a post-war setting with a redeemed Megatron and complex Decepticon/Autobot relationships and expect me to care about the Terrans.

I still like the Terrans, i think they are so silly goofy, and I like the idea of new characters to explore. But THE BACKGROUND PLOT IS SO MUCH MORE INTERESTING TO ME. The human alliance that turned out to be anti-cybertron??? Mandroid literally killing bots and experimenting on them?? grimlock getting mind controlled and having ptsd??? The rest of the Decepticons fighting for power and seething in rage of their leader’s betrayal??? Megatron trying to navigate his new life while being repentful of his past actions while also not crumbling under the guilt of his mistakes??? The fact that they are stranded on an alien planet and can’t go home?????? STARCREAM’S ABUSE GETTING RECOGNIZED????

they keep introducing these really interesting plots and then abandoning them for the sake of the Terrans getting more screentime.

I think these things would be easier to juggle if there weren’t so many of them tbh. I would rather just have Twitch and Thrash be these new Cybertronians that can guide the viewer through these complex plots because like us, they weren’t around for the war. They have a fresh untainted perspective on life.

(Dont get me wrong, I love Hashtag, JB, and Nightshade, but sometimes it feels like there isn’t enough screentime to flesh them all out and they end up getting characterized to one singular trait) (if all of them are around, I would rather them have their own focus show without the background plots of Optimus, Megatron, Bumblebee, ect.)

Also they are REALLY trying to hit the family theme over our heads. They keep saying “family this family that” but deadass they talk about being a healthy family more than they actually act like it. Show me how much they love each other instead of putting it in every other line of dialogue.

Ok that is all, I didn’t mean to go on such a rant LMAO. I still like Earthspark, just sometimes it feels like they are trying to be two different shows and they are stuffing more into the plot than they have time to flesh out. (Breakdown, Starscream, and pretty much all the Decepticons deserved better)

[silentsockfeet]

with the obvious addendum that act 3 isn’t out yet and we can’t form true opinions until the show’s officially done, i’m still really feeling like it could have maybe benefited from a third season. they’re hitting all the right plot points and those moments are full of really intense emotion, but everything in the middle feels so underwhelming in comparison and so much of it still feels rushed to me. idk

[unhappy-sometimes]

here's a playlist of (mostly) historically accurate love songs that twiyor has most definitely danced to on vinyl: youtube, spotify, apple music

some fast, some slow, some made for dancing, others probably not (but i still like them so i included them anyway), i'll add songs as i think of them

[dykedvonte]

You ever just see a Mouthwashing take that makes you want to bang your head into a wall? I literally just saw someone claim Curly couldn't have been emotionally abused by Jimmy before the crash because he was in a higher position of power than Jimmy.

-Shrimp Anon

The mouthwashing fandom has shown me that people genuinely do believe that certain types of abuse are not as detrimental as other types especially when they deem those immune/resistant, ergo, believing one is objectively worse no matter how it affects the person nor the intersections of power, history and dynamics at play.

Get ready cause this is a yap session:

Cause like it's heavily implied that Curly and Jimmy's friendship was toxic and abusive, pointedly in the direction of how Jimmy uses Curly's belief/comfort in him. Curly wasn't forced to enable Jimmy but he was emotional and mentally on edge around him in almost every scene in some way. Mental and emotional abuse are not contingent on what positions you have at work. Yeah, he's Jimmy's boss but he was Jimmy's friend first and it's like getting into Psych discussion to talk about how social power tends to overshadow any perceived organizational power in the human mind. People are concerned about their jobs ofc but they tend to hang onto and put more value/investment into their personal relationships, hence why there tends to be laws and restrictions around mixing the two.

I always see the sentiments that "Curly is a grown ass man", "Curly is bigger than Jimmy", "Curly is Jimmy's boss", "He just needed a backbone" as criticisms of Curly and while I do agree that on the surface level all of these to be true and viable ways Curly could've taken more control of the situation, I often look at the parallels of Anya and Curly as victims of Jimmy pre/post crash.

The way Jimmy talks to Anya post crash is how he talked to Curly in the pre-crash segments. It's hard to pin-point mainly because we know he hates and wants nothing to do with Anya compared to his contrary but similarly handled obsessions with Curly. It's a weird sort of "honey-moon" effect of abuse Jimmy does in terms of emotional and mental victimization. He is always horrid to Anya, always talking down or questioning her abilities and thoughts in a situation, this of course includes the harassment and assault. However, he has a moment of attempted gentleness/conditioning when he question her about the mouthwash when she's contemplating drinking it at the table. The key difference is he has no personal investment in Jimmy outside wanting nothing to do with him, meaning there is no sort of romanticized version of him that he can condition her off of. He knows this, hence, why he always reverts to trying to make her to scared to oppose him.

This sort of give and take of "kindness" doesn't work on her because she knows he is just doing it to take more from her than whatever he could possibly give but it reflects even the "softer" scenes between him and Curly where he always rewords or rephrases Curly's sentiments and concerns to sound more shallow. He is feigning a deeper understanding by reworking Curly's emotions into something bad and needing to be hidden. Everything is laced with envy and resentment, an outburst just around the corner, I mean he even slams the table in the birthday party scene, a tactic in emotional manipulation to set the victim on edge and cloud their ability to respond. Even if Curly knows Jimmy won't get physical in that moment, the physical actions is intended to make him back down in the confrontation in case it does. This is something that is just not person specific. It ingrains itself into how you interact with the world and life and it shows in major and minor ways with Curly.

Post-crash, the abusive nature is more in tandem to the physical victimization Anya went through and the stripping of voice and autonomy we see take place. Like the parasite in HFIM, Jimmy speaks for Curly most of the time and puts words in his mouth, similarly to how he takes Anya's plans as his own. He very commonly, with the both of them mind you, supplements the worst aspects of himself into them; pettiness, selfishness, lack of understanding... And tries to cover himself with their best qualities; kindness, planning, initiative, etc...

These parallel are just to say that positional power has little to do with if a person can be abused and how it can even be flipped to further the abuse. There is no doubt that Curly could've picked up on Jimmy's envy of his position hence another reason he never confronted him as a Captain but as a friend as doing so would immediately put Jimmy in a space to be confrontational/combative.

I think the disdain some people have when they talk about the heavily implied if not implicitly stated emotional/mental abuse Curly experienced being Jimmy's friend is when treating it as an excuse to why he didn't do more. I can understand that completely because it is not an excuse to why he didn't do more but is a very real reason people in his position in these scenarios can experience whether in the context of a work or social environment. However, I also think the way people talk about it really does demonstrate a bigger problem when talking about abuse when somehow who is/was abused is either part of the issue or enabled it.

Harkening back to the sentiments about Curly's inaction regarding Jimmy, I think the exact phrases I used/have seen show how there is an inherent belief that it is easier to overpower the effects of emotional/mental abuse that go in tandem with the perception of Curly as someone who should be able to. There is not an age you suddenly stop being susceptible to abuse nor a set point or low where you realize how it has affected you. You don't suddenly know to stand up or put a face on to face your abuser nor admit that you inadvertently enabled them to subjugate someone else to the same treatment. Maybe it's my psych brain but their is this growing belief that direct action is somehow easy or always the best method with the game shows you instances where it is not always the case. In real life that rings true too. He should have done more, but it's not impossible to see why he struggled to find a way or didn't even if it makes us mad.

It's not easy to suddenly gain a "back-bone". You don't immediately want to resort to aggression, especially if it mirrors the type you were a victim to. You don't want to believe you allowed yourself to be treated this bad, let it get that bad or allowed something bad to happen to someone else. It is easy to be in denial, to retreat to your thoughts or make excuses to avoid the painful truth. It's frustrating but in a way we know is relatable. It why we both hate and love Curly for it. We know we'd be better, we think we'd be better, we like to think we wouldn't falter in the same ways but it's always easier to say that from the outside looking in. It's easy to see what he was doing wrong because we are seeing it, not him, but the game really does make you picture what you would do if this was your raw reality and it's why this debate about Curly seems so never ending/contradictory. We can all say what we'd do but bottom line is that's much different when you're in the moment with all the emotions and human feelings attached.

I personally think Mouthwashing tackles the themes of rape culture, enabling, toxic masculinity, types of abuse and patriarchy in ways that are meant to deconstruct the typical straightforward views we mostly have of these concepts and how little subtilities of them are just as, if not more, detrimental than the overt/obvious parts. The game deals with the idea of little details and bigger picture in a way to show that sometimes the bigger picture is not the issue but the little details that make it up. It's why I have a personal dislike of depictions of Jimmy as the typical horrible person who would of course do something like this because the game is about noticing the little warning signs, the foreshadowing and foresight.

It's why I dislike the typical discussion of "bro code" and "boys will be boys" for the game because the game makes a point to avoid the standard depictions of such. It is about the type of men who still enable despite not condoning, agreeing or even perpetuating harmful beliefs because they can't see the little details or the ways it seeps into their everyday. The severity is not obvious to them as it was not obvious to Curly, Swansea or even Daisuke the way it was to a woman like Anya. There are little details about Jimmy that should ring alarms but if you are too naive like Daisuke, too distant like Swansea or too conditioned like Curly, they are just off markers.

There is 100% more constructive/concise ways to say "Curly was a victim of Jimmy's abuse on an emotional and mental aspect that clouded his judgements and perceptions in the scenario" while also critiquing on the side of "Curly still had a responsibility to protect Anya as a crew mate and Captain that he failed to do due to biases and stigma's he failed to surpass" without the weird condemnation people give him about should've knowing better than to let himself be manipulated by a person he considered a close, if not family/best-friend and had his own reasons to trust initially. Also stop being weird about victims of abuse in general with this fandom, like sorry not everyone has a like social epiphany the moment someone's nasty to them. People are treating it like you immediately know when you are in a toxic relationship immediately or comprehend when a person is actively dangerous and either it's your fault for not knowing how to leave/cut them off or you deserve it. Like the hypocrisy of people believing how certain fans treat the story reflect their irl views but not their own is crazy.

End statement is: I honestly don't even know man, I've been writing this too long and just like no man on that ship was perfect or really helped Anya when it mattered and I feel like pitting them against each other in discussion on who did the least or most or how it was justified sucks cause in the end Anya always did the most and best thing for herself.

[starry-bi-sky]

I'm so annoyed. @kingcrow01 tumblr ate your ask about Danny's opinion on the League. tumblr i pressed 'save draft' why didn't you sAVE DRAFT.

ANyways I'm making a post instead. For everyone else, the ask was in summary:

What was Danny's opinion on the League now that he's left it? If he missed the familiarity of it, if he recognized the cult-like behavior inside it, and if he now detested his grandfather.

And to answer (again, grrr): It's complicated! We love complicated <3. Yeah, Danny does miss the familiarity of the League, it was still his home for the first ten years of his life and he has a lot of memories there. Plenty of good along with the bad, and while he's less homesick than he was when he was 10, it still hits him like a truck at random intervals.

Sam, Tucker, and Jazz are great, and he likes the Drs. Fentons enough that he's contemplated murdering Vlad for his meddling, but if he wants to eat the same food his mother used to make him and Damian, he has to do it himself and he can't get the taste right. No one knows arabic so he speaks it to himself because he doesn't want to forget his mother tongue, and he has a few books too. Frankly? He genuinely misses training.

Getting to use Sam's gym helps with his restlessness, same with training with Maddie, but he has no one on or above his level to go against other than his mother. And he only sees her twice a year at most. He knows that he's getting stagnant and he fucking despises it like a bad itch he can't scratch.

He feels conflicted about missing the League, however, since by now he recognizes the flaws and what was wrong with it, and he recognizes that it was cult-like. But even that is kinda, hrm, complicated? If this was a fic I would be able to go better into depth about what he has and hasn't unlearned because cult deprogramming is hard and Danny's doing most of this on his own.

Sam, Tucker, and Jazz have helped with the more obvious stuff: like the ecofascism, the disregard for human life, his emotional constipation; the more obvious stuff that shows in his behavior and personality. But none of them are professionals nor do they actually know the full extent of what Danny's life in the League was like. They only have snapshots since Danyal is very tight lipped about it. So they can only help with what they see themselves through Danny's behavior or word of mouth.

But in summary: He sees, for the most part, what's wrong with the League and disagrees with some of the stuff they do now. But he's very conflicted, and trying to dissect his feelings on the League confuses him. His protests about it whenever Sam and Tucker joke about it have at this point become mostly empty (altho it still causes him some discomfort), and its an inside joke between them three.

As for Ra's? Despises him. If only because Ra's wanted him to kill his little brother -- thinking about his motives with the League confuses Danny, cognitive dissonance and stuff, -- a lot of his hatred stems from "He wanted me to fight my baby brother to the death. I destroyed my relationship with Damian because of him, I had to fake my death and leave my home, and I will never meet my father or see my brother again because of him. Fuck that guy."

[al-luviec]

juvie buddies

[sundial-bee-scribbles]

a smile would be nice

[transmaverique]

amab and afab, if they were used as shorthand for the actual full phrases that they signify, with emphasis on the "assigned" part, and an understanding that they are enforcements of normative (ie, dyadic and cisgender and binary) sex, would be like. really useful. but people took the terms and started using them as shorthand FOR normative sex instead of the ENFORCEMENT OF normative sex. so when other trans people (almost always dyadic trans people) ask for your agab they are almost always asking for your Original Genital Situation. your starting point, so to say. and the reason FOR asking is also almost always bc they are trying to also enforce a certain kind of normativity within queer spaces (which is stupid bc being queer is inherently non-normative but here we are). like, you cant be a lesbian if you're ftm, bc you ARE m, so if you ARE a lesbian, then that means you're lying about some aspect of your identity. does that make sense?

it is always always always incredibly.... i do not trust dyadic trans people that use cagab terms, even moreso than i do not trust dyadic trans people that just use agab terms. agab is also coopted intersex language, but the "coercive" part of cagab SPECIFICALLY refers to medical "intervention" of intersex characteristics, such as "corrective" surgeries and hrt. i am deeply fucking suspicious of any dyadic trans person that uses those terms exactly the same as described above, even moreso if they do so bc "all gender is coercive".

like. yeah. that's true. but you use these terms to erase and overtake intersex discussions on the medical abuse of intersex infants. and i cant help but wonder why you would feel the need to do that.

[habeascorpseus]

"just dont lose yourself, okay?"

"i cant. i've tried to."

"Don't forget to enjoy this, today. Cuz if you lose yourself in trying to hurt the people who took it, you might....just don't forget the good stuff, okay?"

"i cant. i've tried."

godddd cellbits recurring motif of "i cant. ive tried." whenever someone tells him not to lose himself, both the bad and the good is so.. the implication of a perpetual fruitless spiral of turning man to monster and monster to man, and failing at both because loves too deeply and instinct is ingrained into him deeper than the carvings in his knife. he cant fucking stand himself. he can't stand how he can't be normal and has to rely on drinking copius amounts of coffee to stay awake enough to not lose it. he can't stand how even in the depths of his desire for vengeance, he hears the pain in his loved ones' voices and still stops to listen. these two parts of him have to be incongruous, because he knows he was happier when he was one without the other. and yet, time and time again the people who care about him tell him not to lose himself like they view him as whole. and again and again, he tells them that he can't. because he's tried to break himself in half and it doesnt fucking work like that. and he'll continue until he destroys himself because hes fucking Tired of being whole.

[noxious-fennec]

It's pomegranate season :)

A redraw of this piece from around a year ago